IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people feel that social media encourages antisocial behaviour, such as bullying and cheating, while others disagree that this is the case. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #media #behaviour #case
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is thought by a selection of individuals that antisocial behaviour comes from social
media
while
 others believe that habits like bullying or cheating are not related to it. In
this
 essay, both viewpoints will be outlined before reaching my conclusion which is both of them are true. All the outset, there are several drawbacks that social
media
 offers to their users and one of the most significant is that they do not need to show sympathy. To elaborate
further
,
people
 using the Internet do not see each other and are not related to other users.
Moreover
, these innovations allow individuals to create fake IDs which are hard to track down. To specifically demonstrate, one of my colleagues got bullied on Instagram by an anonymous which set his/her ID's picture as the sun and when my friend sent messages to an
Instragram
Correct your spelling
Instagram
 administers, asking for help, they said they could not track
this
 bully down because all details on
this
 account are faked. On the other side of the coin, there are a number of factors that encourage antisocial behaviour and the most crucial one is the ways that these
people
 were brought up. To explain in greater detail, some of them get bullied in real life
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 they cannot stand a chance to fight back;
therefore
, the best way to unleash
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 stress is to bully others online as these
people
 cannot fight back too.
Furthermore
, their parents do not have time for them to teach, making them lack warmth and become more aggressive. An apt illustration of
this
 is that a piece of research that I read
last
 week said that most trolls on the Internet are not affected by social
media
 but they have a number of bad experiences in their lives
such
 as family problems,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
divorce of parents, etc., leading to pressure and stress.
Hence
, these aggressive citizens tend to use social
media
 in order to release their emotions and feelings. All in all, some
people
 think that bad behaviour is caused by social
media
while
 others suppose that it is attributed to other matters. From my point of view, both of them are true which in turn encourages those individuals to behave aggressively and furiously in their lives and on the Internet.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to improve your score. This will also help in making your points clearer and more engaging.
grammar
Work on refining your grammar and avoiding small errors such as subject-verb agreement and using articles correctly. While minor, these can add up and affect your overall score.
writing style
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all sentences within the paragraph contribute to this idea. This will make your argument stronger.
task response
You have presented both viewpoints clearly and supported them with relevant examples.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion effectively summarize the main points and provide a balanced view.
coherence
The essay has a clear structure with logical progression of ideas, which helps in maintaining coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • antisocial behavior
  • cyberbullying
  • harassment
  • cheating
  • dishonesty
  • positive social interactions
  • creativity
  • self-expression
  • opinion
  • controversial
  • debate
What to do next:
Look at other essays: