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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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Today, in a highly competitive world,
while
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 some believe that a sense of
competition
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 should be encouraged in
children
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, others argue that
instead
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 of competing,
children
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 can be taught to cooperate, which helps them become useful adults. So, I believe that constructive
competition
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 can motivate
children
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, which means they should
also
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 learn to face their failures. But it is
also
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 important to teach cooperation, which develops teamwork in
people
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 at a young age. Primarily, it is important that
children
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 be encouraged to compete, as
this
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 could help them enhance their
skills
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. But
this
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 in turn should not lead them to develop rivalries with one another; they should always be taught about healthy
competition
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, where they should learn to face their failures. Unequivocally, only when there is
competition
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 would
people
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 think to nurture themselves and put in more effort to build themselves.
For example
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, ranking systems in schools encourage good
competition
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 between
children
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, as everyone is always aiming to get the first rank.
On the other hand
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, cooperation helps
people
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 achieve anything as a team.
Nevertheless
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, kids should be taught to cooperate, as it teaches them various characteristics
such
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 as adaptability, flexibility, and socializing, which can be considered survival
skills
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 in today’s world.
For instance
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, good parenting will be the result of mother and father playing as a team; when they equally share their responsibilities and cooperate with one another, a child can be well-groomed. In conclusion,
although
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 learning to cooperate makes
people
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 fit into any social group, constructive
competition
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 should always be taught to kids. Only
then
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 will they know their negatives and can put efforts into improving themselves, and they will
also
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 build up their
skills
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 in order to compete with other
people
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.
Furthermore
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, they can
also
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 help grow another person's
skills
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.

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task achievement
Ensure that you provide examples for both views to support your argument. This will make your essay more comprehensive.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. Work on developing stronger supporting examples for a more comprehensive discussion.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is varied and appropriate for the topic. However, consider using more formal academic language to enhance lexical resource.
grammatical range
The essay shows a good range of grammatical structures with a few minor errors. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and use of articles.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • compete
  • cooperate
  • useful
  • adults
  • skills
  • motivation
  • drive
  • resilience
  • failure
  • workplace
  • empathy
  • social skills
  • reduce
  • stress
  • pressure
  • balanced
  • approach
  • ideal
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