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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Others think they should begin after 7 years of age. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Formal
education
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 is essential for
children
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’s development, and many people argue whether it should commence after 7 years of
age
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 or at a very early
age
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. In my opinion,
children
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initially
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 should get support and
education
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 from parents and family before diving into the institutions, since
education
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 is a long road and a child should feel a warm, house feeling.
Children
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 gain knowledge, develop cognitive skills, and learn the main elements like respect, loyalty, honesty, and communication from their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
.
Therefore
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, keeping
children
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 at home with their loved ones until they start
school
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 can foster social relationships with family members
as well as
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 with other
children
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.
For example
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, many
children
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 who have stayed at home until the
age
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 of 7 may be able to show more empathy and understanding since they spent the majority of their time with their parents and learned those values.
While
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children
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 who commence going to
school
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 at an early
age
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 may lack the comfort and love they get from parents, and may
also
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 show aggressive reactions in
school
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.
On the other hand
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,
children
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 can learn basic
education
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 from teachers when they are young, and not every parent is at home to teach those skills. Going to
school
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 at an early
age
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 can be beneficial to some
children
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 who are socially struggling. Educating
children
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 at an early
age
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 can enhance their learning skills and explore their talents.
For instance
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, exposing young
children
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 to sports or the arts may help
discover
Correct pronoun usage
them discover
show examples
 future athletes or painters. Because schools can magnify and compare their talents with other pupils. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 formal
education
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 at an early
age
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 has some benefits for
children
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, starting at 7 years old would enhance parent-child communication. Giving some time to prepare young minds on how to behave in society by giving basic values like respect and honesty.

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task achievement
Make sure to clarify your main point in the introduction more clearly. A strong thesis statement is essential.
coherence
Try to use clearer connections between your ideas to improve flow. Using linking words can help.
task achievement
Support your points with more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and show understanding.
coherence
You have a clear opinion and structure in your essay, which is good.
task achievement
Your use of examples illustrates your points effectively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • social skills
  • lifelong love for learning
  • undue pressure
  • young minds
  • emotionally and socially
  • less structured environment
  • play-based learning
  • crucial
  • long-term academic performance
  • well-being
  • balancing early education
  • flexibility
  • best approach
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