The diagram below show the changes that have taken place at west park secondry school since its construction in 1950.

#show #changes #place #west #park #secondry #school #construction

The presented map depicts the alterations that happened to West park high school from when it was constructed in 1950 until 2010. As the diagram suggests, the institution and the main road remained stable during

this

period ,

Change the punctuation

apply

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however

Add a comma

,however

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there was a dramatic change to the area in the vicinity of the main building. To commence with the western side of the college , which was a residential area in 1950 , not only divided into two parts but

also

replaced with a car park and science block in 1980.

furthermore

, the farmland which is in the southwest segment was turned into a sports centre, and the playground stayed constant till 1980. In 2010, not only the sports field became smaller but

also

it was taken up by

parking

Correct article usage

a parking

show examples

lot which was expanded from north west to south east chunk of the map.

whereas

, the recreation ground was only just compressed by other buildings.

In contrast

, the main road and the academy stayed unchanged from 1950 to 2010.

Submitted by Elisa on Tue Aug 01 2023

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.

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Vocabulary: The word "map" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

7 paragraphs

171 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The diagram below show the changes that have taken place at west park secondry school since its construction in 1950.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

Newspapers have immense influence on people. why? is it a positive or negative situation?

Some people believe that the good leaders are born, whereas others hold the opinion that the leadership qualities could be obtained during the life. Who represents the good leader qualities indeed?