The diagram below show the changes that have taken place at west park secondry school since its construction in 1950.

The diagram below show the changes that have taken place at west park 

secondry school since its construction in 1950.
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The presented map depicts the alterations that happened to West park high school from when it was constructed in 1950 until 2010. As the diagram suggests, the institution and the main road remained stable during
this
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period ,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
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however
Add a comma
,however
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there was a dramatic change to the area in the vicinity of the main building. To commence with the western side of the college , which was a residential area in 1950 , not only divided into two parts but
also
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replaced with a car park and science block in 1980.
furthermore
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, the farmland which is in the southwest segment was turned into a sports centre, and the playground stayed constant till 1980. In 2010, not only the sports field became smaller but
also
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it was taken up by
parking
Correct article usage
a parking
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lot which was expanded from north west to south east chunk of the map.
whereas
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, the recreation ground was only just compressed by other buildings.
In contrast
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, the main road and the academy stayed unchanged from 1950 to 2010.
Submitted by Elisa  on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: The word "map" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
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