IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Most school offers some type of physical education program to their students. Why it is important? Should physical education classes be required or optional?

#school #type #education #program #students #classes
Physical
education
 plays a crucial role in
students
' growth and development, addressing issues like obesity and promoting
overall
health
. The question of whether physical
education
 classes should be mandatory or optional has sparked a debate.
This
 essay examines the significance of physical
education
 and discusses the advantages and disadvantages of both approaches. Mandatory physical
education
 can be instrumental in addressing sedentary lifestyles and reducing the prevalence of video game addiction among children. Engaging in sports and exercises not only enhances physical fitness but
also
 nurtures a healthy mindset and boosts motivation.
For example
, the World
Health
 Organization has reported alarming rates of obesity among young people in countries like the USA, emphasizing the importance of physical
education
 in combating
this
health
 concern.
On the other hand
, enforcing physical
education
 as a compulsory subject may have some drawbacks. Not all
students
 may possess the same level of physical fitness or excel in sports immediately, leading to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem.
Furthermore
,
students
 with physical disabilities may face challenges in participating, potentially resulting in criticism or bullying from peers. Considering the importance of physical
education
, an optional approach has its merits. By allowing
students
 to choose their preferred activities, schools can foster a positive and inclusive environment.
Students
 can explore activities that align with their interests and abilities, promoting higher engagement and participation. In conclusion, physical
education
 is undeniably important for
students
'
overall
 well-being and
health
.
While
 mandatory physical
education
 can effectively combat sedentary lifestyles and obesity, it may
also
 lead to issues of self-confidence and exclusion for some
students
. An optional approach offers the advantage of individual choice, allowing
students
 to participate in activities they find enjoyable and comfortable. Striking a balance between mandatory and optional physical
education
 can ensure a positive and inclusive learning environment that promotes
overall
 student development.
Submitted by abid.srm on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Address the specific question directly and clearly in the introduction paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear overall structure with a strong introduction and conclusion, and the main points are adequately supported with examples. Ensure that your ideas are logically connected throughout the essay, and use linking words to improve coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: