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Band 6

To succeed in a business, one needs to know maths. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#business #maths
In today’s competitive economy, many believe that one needs to be knowledgeable in
maths
 in order to excel in
business
.
While
 I believe that math is indeed an important element of any worker’s skill set, I argue that it is not vital to the success of an individual;
this
 is because whether
maths
 is important is dependent both on the
business
 and the position of the employee or employer
holds
Verb problem
apply
show examples
. It is apparent that mathematical ability has increasingly been sought out by employers as a sign that the employee will succeed within a
business
.
This
 proficiency in
maths
 not only allows individuals to analyze large quantities of data
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 demonstrates the ability to think critically.
Therefore
, those who are talented at
maths
 can not only help businesses predict future trends and stay one step ahead of their opponents,
they
Correct word choice
but they
show examples
 might be able to assist in logistics or administrative tasks as well.
This
 is why
for example
why
Rephrase
apply
show examples
top financial institutions and technology companies,
such
 as Goldman Sachs and Tesla, often pay premiums in order to recruit the top mathematicians from prestigious universities.
However
, it could
also
 be argued that the most successful businessmen might not need to be
well versed
Add a hyphen
well-versed
show examples
 in mathematics, since they can simply employ employees who are. Many managers and CEOs simply do not have time to do every single calculation that involves their
business
, and
instead
, focus their time on managing relationships and communicating with people. It could be said that their function is
thus
 not to manage the
business
, but to manage people - their role is to find and bring out the best in people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 can perform jobs better than them through specialization. In conclusion, I argue that
while
 mathematics is certainly an important component of any
business
 and a useful skill set for any employee, one does not necessarily need to be proficient in mathematics in order to
nonetheless
 succeed.

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task achievement
While your essay is well-structured, consider further developing your points with more specific examples. This can help strengthen your argument and provide clearer evidence to support your claims.
coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from using more varied linking words and phrases to better demonstrate the relationships between your ideas. This can improve the flow and coherence of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your position and outlines the main points you will discuss. This sets a strong foundation for your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear and logical structure in your essay, with each paragraph focusing on a single main idea. This makes your argument easy to follow.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples, such as mentioning Goldman Sachs and Tesla, which help to illustrate your points and make your argument more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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