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Writing Samples
Band 7

some people say history is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that
History
Use synonyms
 is one of the most important school subjects in the curriculum,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that in
this
Linking Words
 digital era,
Science
Use synonyms
 and
Technology
Use synonyms
 have a much greater impact than
history
Use synonyms
.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting my opinion.
To begin
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 with, many hold the view that
History
Use synonyms
 allows students to understand the past in order to inform the future. They claim that
this
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 understanding helps society avoid repeating mistakes.
This
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 is because
History
Use synonyms
 often puts chronological events in its syllabus, engaging student to have comprehensive knowledge about the past and enhancing their critical thinking.
Moreover
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, another common belief is that exploring the past encourages student to be more aware of their identity, fostering a sense of national identity and connecting with their cultural roots.
Thus
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,
this
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 subject should be a mandatory subject in the school’s education system.
On the other hand
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, many
people
Use synonyms
 think that
Science
Use synonyms
 and
Technology
Use synonyms
 are far more valuable in today’s world since they help students to prepare for better career prospects. They believe that these subjects can bring lucrative opportunities, particularly in terms of career advancement, as these fields require practical skills.
In addition
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, a growing number of
people
Use synonyms
 believe that advancing
science
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
 is essential for adapting to new tools and platforms.
This
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 is because they say the
technology
Use synonyms
 changes rapidly, making it difficult for
people
Use synonyms
 to keep up with the fast-paced advancements. In conclusion,
while
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History
Use synonyms
 offers awareness of future advancement and improves their appreciation towards nationalism. In my opinion,
science
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
 are more vital to be taught in school since these subjects promote a better future for students.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear, but you could add a thesis statement to highlight your opinion more strongly.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas better, which will help your flow.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points, especially about the importance of history and technology.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which is commendable.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are logically structured, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial
  • comprehend
  • retrospect
  • gain insights
  • reflect on
  • sharpen
  • evaluate
  • significance
  • heritage
  • legacy
  • advent
  • breakthroughs
  • sustain
  • sustainability
  • revolutions
  • empowered
  • overcome
  • transform
  • advancements
  • collaboration
  • cooperation
  • diversity
  • fulfilling
  • promote
  • facilitate
  • prosperity
  • enhance
  • foster
  • foundation
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