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Writing Samples
Band 4

In developing countries, rural children have less access to education. Some people say that the problem can be solved by providing schools and teachers. Others say computer and internet must be provided. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #children #access #education #people #schools #teachers #computer #internet
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Developing nations do not have access to basic amenities needed for an education system in rural areas.
It
Correct pronoun usage
Some
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 is believed
by
Change preposition
apply
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some that only schools and teachers are important for the development of rural
children
while
 others assert that technology plays a crucial role. In
this
 essay, both views will be discussed
along with
 my opinion. I think that both are necessary for
growth
Add an article
the growth
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 of a child.
Firstly
, setting up schools is essential for the mental, physical and social development of young
children
 and adolescents.
In addition
 to
this
, it is not only that schools are to be established in the countryside but knowledgeable teachers are to be appointed for guiding the students.
Moreover
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
getting the necessary exposure to
learning
Correct article usage
the learning
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 system will lead to broadening the horizons of mind of rural
children
 which in turn will have
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 impact on the development of rural areas.
On the other hand
, technological advancements are happening at an alarming rate. The usage of computers and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 will enable them to
be become
Change to the active voice
become
have become
show examples
 technology driven and ensure better career prospects in the future. They will be skilled enough to get better jobs only if they utilize these facilities and take advantage of them for their own growth.
This
 will play a pivotal role in making the nation progressive.
To conclude
, I believe that both are crucial for the growth of underprivileged
children
 and we can't deny the merits of one over another.
The access
Correct article usage
Access
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 to
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 education system with internet facilities will motivate them to learn and inspire them to get
white collar
Add a hyphen
white-collar
show examples
 jobs.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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