IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Public celebrations(such as national days, festivals etc) are held in most countries. These are often quite expensive and some people say that governments should spend money on more useful things. Do you agree or disagree?

#celebrations #festivals #countries #people #governments #money
In most countries, public ceremonies (
such
 as national days, festivals etc.) are celebrated, respectively. Organizing these activities requires significant expenses,
as well as
, a group of people believe that money spent for festivity should be spent on other kinds of things which are more profitable. Personally, I disagree with it and
this
 essay will discuss my point of view in the following paragraphs, including some examples from my own experience.
Firstly
, nowadays, most people are swamped by their daily life responsibilities,
therefore
 they try to make their life pretty meaningful. Undoubtedly, parties lead to relaxation,
as well as
, broaden a person's horizons. To illustrate, the school where I work, almost every month organize some celebrations(including official and non-official holidays) and all school staff (both students and teachers) participate enthusiastically. Students prepare dance programmes, speeches and activities in advance. It contributes to instil students more about nationality,
habitats
Correct word choice
and habitats
show examples
 and creates a feeling
a
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 pride, self-esteem and independence, which is important enough rather than money.
On the other hand
, the leaders of countries spend too much money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 organizing national days or other holidays that may be harmful to the common budget. It's undeniable that some kinds of holidays cause unnecessary expenses. To exemplify, every year when spring comes, a flower festivity is organized in my country. To organize it, special kinds of flowers are cultivated or brought from overseas. Actually, the park looks like
miracle
Correct article usage
a miracle
show examples
 garden,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 it causes to waste millions of flowers. In a nutshell, it seems that organizing a celebration has some adverse effects, as I have mentioned above, yet it has adorable effects on children's growth mindset.
Submitted by shabnam.aghayeva on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fostering
  • national pride
  • unity
  • cultural heritage
  • sense of belonging
  • boost the local economy
  • hospitality and retail sectors
  • showcase
  • global audience
  • foreign relations
  • multifaceted
  • allocating
  • quality of life
  • social inclusion
  • cohesive and inclusive society
What to do next:
Look at other essays: