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Band 6.5

The only reason for people working hard is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#reason #people #money
Is it said the only reason for individuals working hard is to earn money
.
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?
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 I totally disagree with
statement
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the statement
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 because I believe there
several
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are several
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 reasons
drive
Correct pronoun usage
that drive
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people
 to
work
 hard
including
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apply
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, serve society,
step
Wrong verb form
stepping
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 out
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of the
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the
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their
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 comfort zone, and
give
Wrong verb form
giving
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 purpose
for
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to
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live
Replace the word
life
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.
To begin
 with, I totally believe there are several reasons
drive
Correct pronoun usage
that drive
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people
 to
working
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work
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 hard .
Firstly
,
people
 desire to
working
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work
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 hard in
order
 to contribute to society.
For example
, scientists
work
 hard in
order
 to find
a
Correct article usage
apply
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new drugs for serious diseases namely, cancer, heart attack, and brain stroke.
Therefore
, scientists
work
 hard in
order
 to improve
people
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people's
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 health.
Secondly
,
people
work
 hard in
order
 to step out of their comfort zone.
This
 is because
people
 who
work
 hard are more likely to learn
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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new experiences and skills, which
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
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 working hard is
opportunity
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an opportunity
the opportunity
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 for
people
 to personal growth.
As a result
, personal growth can make
people
 develop valuable skills,
solving
Wrong verb form
solve
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 problems,
working
Wrong verb form
work
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 under stress, and how
overcome
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to overcome
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 challenges.
Finally
, working hard
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
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people
 purpose for
live
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life
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. To illustrate,
people
 will spend considerable time
of
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in
show examples
 their
live
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lives
show examples
 to
order
 achieve their professional goals namely, promotions,
positive
Correct word choice
and positive
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 feedback from
manager
Fix the agreement mistake
managers
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.
Consequnetly
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Consequently
,
people
 who
work
 hard
goals
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on goals
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 are more likely to accomplish
of
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apply
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happiness.
To sum up
, I completely believe
the
Correct article usage
apply
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money is not
only
Correct article usage
the only
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 factor
Correct pronoun usage
that motivate
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motivate
Correct subject-verb agreement
motivates
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people
 to
work
 hard because I think
there
Correct your spelling
they're
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different
Add a missing verb
are different
show examples
 reasons
drive
Correct pronoun usage
that drive
show examples
people
 to
work
 hard including, to contribute to
community
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the community
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 ,
accomplish
Wrong verb form
accomplishing
show examples
 personal
gorwth
Correct your spelling
growth
, and to have
aim
Change the verb form
aimed
show examples
 for
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Monetary gain
  • Passion-driven
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Career progression
  • Professional development
  • Work-life balance
  • Job satisfaction
  • Societal expectations
  • Cultural values
  • Altruism
  • Positive impact
  • Intrinsic motivation
  • Extrinsic motivation
  • Internal rewards
  • Maslow's hierarchy of needs
  • Psychological aspects
  • Motivational factors
What to do next:
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