IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of changing people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #people
Many exhibitions apply
entrance
 fees for visitors, whilst the remaining offers free
entrance
.
Although
 charging visitors with admission will limit the museum’s target market,
this
 essay believes that
this
 measure enables the
management
 of museums to improve their
facilities
 and the benefit outweighs the drawbacks. On the one hand, applying a fee to enter exhibitions will make some
people
 unable to afford the tickets.
Thus
 a limited number of
people
 can be the right target market for the museum. For some folks, they may not have the budget to visit a museum
thus
 they pick other places that do not apply any
entrance
 fee.
For example
, the Gallery of Kota Tua in Jakarta attracts tourists to visit their historical buildings because they charge $0 for the
entrance
 fee.
This
 has attracted a constant number of tourists. Most of them seek free recreational places because they have a limited budget.
However
, freeing the
entrance
 charge will burden the gallery's
management
 to seek other sources of funds to pay the operational costs.
On the other hand
, charging the guests for admission fees will enable the
management
 to build a fund for improving the gallery’s
facilities
.
This
 is because exhibitions are shifting. They create interactive zones within the journey and require the tourists to be active.
This
 kind of activity attracts more guests compared to the traditional museums which only offer a passive activity.
For instance
, the Science-Art Museum of Singapore offers children the opportunity to colour a sea creature drawing. The drawing will be scanned and it will appear on the big screen. They can interact with the drawing by tapping it on the big screen and it will move away mimicking the real response of a living creature. The
management
 said that since the new interactive zone was opened to the public, it saw an increasing number of
people
 who came to visit.
This
 essay believes that applying fees will bring a greater benefit since they can fund better
facilities
. In conclusion, even though applying a price of admission causes fewer
people
 who can afford
this
,
this
 measure will bring more positive effects because
this
 allows the
management
 to enhance the
facilities
.
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Task Achievement
While the essay clearly presents ideas on both the advantages and disadvantages of charging an admission fee, consider elaborating on the impacts on access to culture and learning, which is integral to the valuation of museums by society.
Task Achievement
Ensure a balance in the development of both sides of the argument. In this case, more insight into how free access could contribute to the museum and the community might strengthen the balance.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay shows good logical progression and varied sentence structures, contributing to high marks in coherence and cohesion. However, aim to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure the introduction and conclusion succinctly encapsulate the main points of the essay, providing a clear and decisive stance on the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
You included specific examples to support the main points, which is excellent. To further enhance your essay, you could add some statistics or research findings to reinforce the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
What to do next:
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