Some people believe that studying at university or collage is the best route to a successful career. While others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is often argued by individuals that opting for a
job
right after completing secondary schooling is the best way to early success,
although
others support that post-secondary aspirants have more chances to build a successful life. I personally believe that higher education seekers can have more
job
opportunities
rather
Rephrase
apply
show examples
than school pass-out students. On the one hand, getting a
job
after completing school education benefits a person to gain experience at their early stage of life.
In other words
, regular tasks in daily life help potential employee to improve their decision-making skills and broaden their vision toward achievements.
Further
, earning at a younger age makes an individual financially capable
to generate
Change preposition
of generating
show examples
a sense of self-esteem which increases confidence. In
this
way, after some years of hardship, a person can think about buying a car and afford a house that allows a person to plan and raise a family.
On the other hand
, after investing so much productive and meaningful time in core subjects, a college graduate has a high chance to get a white-collar
job
. Because their completion of a particular course helps them to refine their CV for getting selected for a field
job
with a high salary package. University education, for an aspirant, works as a ladder toward success;
for example
, attaining depth exposure in a special field adds more sense in practical direction
instead
of experience. In conclusion, earning a living exactly after school can ensure a potential
job
seeker becomes financially independent and
achieve
Correct subject-verb agreement
achieves
show examples
success.
However
, a degree holder has more merits to attain career achievements.
Submitted by itzgurpreetsingh1 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The introduction provides a clear opinion and the essay discusses both views. However, the conclusion could be more decisive in restating the opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay demonstrates a logical structure with clear topic sentences and supporting points. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more effectively linked to the main body of the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • specialized curriculum
  • in-depth knowledge
  • competitive in the job market
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • broader perspective
  • global issues
  • networks and resources
  • career opportunities
  • practical experience
  • fast-paced industries
  • rapidly evolving industries
  • earning while learning
  • student debt
  • financial independence
  • hands-on experience
  • career advancement
  • work ethic
  • practical problem-solving skills
What to do next:
Look at other essays: