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Band 5

Q:Research has shown that overeating is as harmful as smoking. Therefore, the advertising of certain food products should be banned in the same way as the advertising of cigarettes in some countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#q #research #food #products #cigarettes #countries
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It is claimed that overeating causes similar damage to human
health
 just like smoking, so it is necessary to implement
prohibition
Correct article usage
a prohibition
show examples
 of advertisements for both some
food
products
 and smoking. In my opinion, the former view is well-founded, yet the latter seems to be rather unreasonable. It is totally understandable that consuming an unnecessarily large amount of
food
 is a detriment to people’s
health
 conditions just like smoking is. In fact, excessive
food
 intake increases body fat, potentially resulting in obesity. In recent years, the number of obese people has been constantly growing at an unprecedented rate
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
consequence
Correct article usage
a consequence
show examples
 of overeating.
Furthermore
, consuming unhealthy
food
such
 as fast
food
 or processed
food
 on
regular
Correct article usage
a regular
show examples
 basis
also
 brings about numerous
health
-related problems
such
 as blood pressure or high cholesterol. Issues regarding people’s state of
health
 caused by eating too much are for sure comparable with those caused by smoking, lung cancer
for example
.
However
, I do not think it is an effective solution to forbid advertisements for several particular foodstuffs. It is unfair to manufacturers because advertising is their main measure to approach prospective customers and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
introduce their new
products
 in the market. Without publicity materials, many
food
 manufacturers would experience crises as their
profit
Fix the agreement mistake
profits
show examples
declines
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
as a result
 of
this
 prohibition policy.
Furthermore
, it is a disadvantage to consumers because they will not be informed about
products
Correct article usage
the products
show examples
 they want to buy. It is true that advertising encourages people to purchase things but it only plays a small part in the amount of
food
 intake which is mainly determined by consumers themselves. In conclusion, I agree that the way overeating harms human
health
 is similar to smoking,
whereas
 it seems to me that
advertising
Correct article usage
the advertising
show examples
 of
food
products
 should not be banned.
Submitted by quangduong11750 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • detrimental effects
  • obesity
  • related diseases
  • ad targeting
  • vulnerable populations
  • tobacco ads
  • regulatory success
  • public health
  • freedom of choice
  • economic impact
  • healthcare costs
  • comparative analysis
  • prohibitive measures
  • consumer awareness
  • preventive measures
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