IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

These days, we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television, and this is having a negative impact on children's behavior. Do you agree or disagree?

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I agree that the increasing amount of
violence
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 shown on
television
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 today is having a negative impact on
children
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's
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behavior
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behaviour
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. Numerous studies have shown that exposure to violent media can influence young minds, potentially leading to aggressive
behaviors
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behaviours
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, desensitization to
violence
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, and distorted perspectives on real-life consequences.
Children
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 are highly impressionable and are in a critical phase of developing social and emotional understanding. When exposed to violent
content
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, they may become more accepting of aggressive
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behavior
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behaviour
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, thinking it is a normal or acceptable way to handle conflicts.
This
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 exposure can distort their sense of empathy and reduce sensitivity to others' pain and suffering, especially when they see
violence
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 repeatedly presented without realistic consequences or moral context.
Moreover
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,
children
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 often imitate what they see.
Television
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 characters, whether real or fictional, can serve as role models. When these characters are shown using
violence
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 as a problem-solving tool,
children
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 may mimic
this
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behavior
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behaviour
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, believing it is effective or even admirable.
This
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 can translate into aggressive
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behavior
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behaviour
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 at school or within their families, impacting their social interactions and emotional well-being. The presence of violent media can
also
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 create fear and anxiety in
children
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, particularly if they struggle to differentiate between fantasy and reality.
For example
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, news programs, action series, or graphic cartoons can make the world seem more threatening than it is, potentially causing undue stress and fearfulness.
While
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 it is challenging to shield
children
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 from all violent
content
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, there are steps parents, educators, and policymakers can take. Parents should monitor and discuss
television
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content
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 with their
children
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, helping them understand the difference between real and fictional
violence
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. Meanwhile, broadcasters and
content
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 creators could consider age-appropriate
content
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 ratings and reduce gratuitous
violence
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 in programs targeted toward younger audiences. In conclusion, the pervasive
violence
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 on
television
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 can adversely affect
children
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, shaping their
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behavior
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behaviour
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, attitudes, and worldview in unhealthy ways. Reducing their exposure to violent
content
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 and guiding their understanding of media portrayals can help mitigate these negative impacts, fostering healthier social and emotional development.

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task achievement
Try including more specific examples or case studies to support your arguments, which can help to further reinforce your points and make your essay even more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Continue to focus on linking your paragraphs clearly and logically. You've done a good job, but further refinement can make your points even more compelling.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear and structured argument, effectively establishing an opening stance and neatly summarizing your points in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
There's a logical flow throughout the essay with well-organized paragraphs that effectively transition from one idea to the next.
task achievement
Your response thoroughly addresses the topic and uses a range of vocabulary and expressions, showing a clear understanding of the issue.
task achievement
The essay includes strong reasoning that explains the negative impact of TV violence on children, backed by general examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • desensitize
  • aggression
  • conflict resolution
  • instill fear
  • mental health
  • perception
  • imitation
  • aggressive behavior
  • empathy
  • unrealistic understanding
  • ramifications
  • inappropriate content
  • vulnerable
  • behavioral patterns
  • differentiate
  • fiction and reality
  • exposure to violence
  • negative impact
  • television violence
  • blur the lines
What to do next:
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