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Band 6

In many societies, elderly people often live in retirement homes. This is not appropriate because families should always care for their aging members. Do you agree?

#societies #people #retirement #homes #families #care #members
Elderly
people
 living in
retirement
homes
 have become a norm in lots of societies.,
However
Add the comma(s)
,However
show examples
this
 trend is unhealthy as elderly
people
 require the love and affection of their family
members
. ,
Also
 they became physically and mentally weak so they require constant supervision .
this
 essay agrees with the statement that elderly
people
 should not stay in
retirement
homes
. In older age, elderly
people
 became physically and mentally weak. to take care of them constant supervision is required. If they stay with their families, they will get care from their family
members
.
Furthermore
, Families should not send them to a
retirement
 home in their old age
for instance
, in India parents stay with their
children
 and grandchildren. I am of the opinion that elderly
people
 stay with their
children
. Elderly
people
 require love and affection from their
children
. sending them to
retirement
homes
 isolate them.
Moreover
, they have to stay alone At their age they require to socialise more with their friend circle. To cite an example, in Asian ,countries elderly
people
 form groups to socialise and interact with their friends. I believe that elderly
people
 should not be sent to a
retirement
 home. In conclusion, the Elderly public should not be sent to
retirement
homes
.as they require love
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and support from their family
members
 specially their
children
. Sending them to
retirement
 home isolate them from their friend circle and family
members
.Elderly
people
 should spend time with their families. I am of the opinion that
Instead
 of that they should stay with their family
members
.
Submitted by yash334 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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