IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Science is beneficial for society, so science students should get more support. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In the contemporary epoch,
science
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 plays a crucial role in
countries
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;
thus
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, from several people's standpoints,
students
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 who are educated in
science
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 should get more assistance from the governments.
This
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 essay wholeheartedly agrees with
this
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 opinion because these
students
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 can save
money
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 for members of the public and progress their
countries
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 in several sectors. First of all, investing
money
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 in these
students
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 leads to reducing expenditure in their
countries
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. They,
due to
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 their capabilities, can invent new approaches or devices that reduce the
money
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 spent on conventional methods.
For instance
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,
students
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 who study agricultural
science
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 by finding a new method for irrigation decrease the consumption of water in the US.
Hence
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, they save a few million dollars.
Thus
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, these
students
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 can find a way to
decline
Verb problem
reduce
show examples
 their expenses by inventing new methods that are effective.
Further
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 and even more importantly, technologies that are created by sophisticated
science
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students
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 lead to progress in different aspects of our lives. Not only do they have impacts on economic and army devices, but they
also
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 have an influence on the environment and sports of one country.
For example
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, scientific
students
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 at MIT University made Apple watches that convey several parameters related to our bodies. Actually, these data help athletes to devise a better plan for their training sessions. In conclusion,
although
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 other
students
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 who study different fields and other parts of
countries
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 have an importance, in regard to the improvement of societies and
money
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 saving, government officials must prioritize their expenditure on
this
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 issue.

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task achievement
Your response effectively addresses the task and presents a clear position in relation to the statement. To enhance it further, consider providing additional examples or exploring counterarguments to strengthen your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. To improve, you could consider smooth transitions between some ideas to enhance the overall flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the argument well.
task achievement
The main points are supported by relevant examples that are specific and well-explained.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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