IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that competition is good thing . Others believe that we should try cooperative more rather then competing against each other , descise both idea and tell your openin

#people #competition #descise #idea #openin
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Competition
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 is a widely discussed topic. Some argue that it should be a fundamental part of our lives,
while
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 others emphasize the significance of cooperation. I align with the latter viewpoint. Strong relationships are often viewed as crucial in a cooperative environment, a belief shared by many. Cooperation fosters trust and cultivates deeper connections among
individuals
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. It enhances communication, encourages mutual support, and promotes a sense of belonging within the group. In
such
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 an atmosphere, people can share their perspectives openly, free from judgment or fear, leading to more constructive dialogue and innovative solutions. From my perspective, the support and encouragement inherent in a cooperative environment are essential. They empower
individuals
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 to take risks and grow.
This
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 nurturing atmosphere builds confidence, allowing people to explore new ideas and tackle challenges.
Furthermore
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, it encourages broader thinking and the pursuit of greater ambitions, pushing the limits of what can be achieved.
For instance
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, during the recent pandemic, scientists collaborated to identify effective treatments and shared their findings, showcasing the power of collective effort in addressing global challenges. Some argue that a competitive environment can motivate
individuals
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 and encourage persistence.
However
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, I strongly disagree with
this
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 notion.
While
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competition
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 may drive certain people, it often creates anxiety and stifles collaboration. Rather than fostering a supportive atmosphere,
competition
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 can induce stress and a fear of failure, ultimately hindering both personal and collective growth. In conclusion,
while
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competition
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 can drive some
individuals
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, the benefits of cooperation far outweigh its drawbacks.
Submitted by homa.nazrmian56 on

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task achievement
To enhance Task Achievement, ensure that all aspects of the prompt are thoroughly addressed. Consider exploring a few more examples of cooperation in different contexts beyond the pandemic example.
coherence cohesion
To further improve Coherence and Cohesion, maintain a consistent flow between paragraphs and ideas. Make sure transitions between points are smooth to maintain the essay's logical progression.
task achievement
The essay effectively presents a clear position on the topic and supports it with logical arguments, particularly highlighting the benefits of cooperation.
supported main points
The use of the recent pandemic example to illustrate the power of collective effort adds depth to the argument, making it more relatable and specific.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, establishing and summarizing the main argument effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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