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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows literacy rates in several different countries around the world.

The chart illustrates information about literacy rates in percentages in four different
countries
Use synonyms
 and in the entire world.
Overall
Linking Words
, in all
countries
Use synonyms
 except
country
Use synonyms
 D male are more educated than females
in contrast
Linking Words
 with
country
Use synonyms
 D where both genders' literacy rate is equal.
According to
Linking Words
 the
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
chart
country
Use synonyms
 D is the most educated one
whereas
Linking Words
country
Use synonyms
 A is the east educated.
Firstly
Linking Words
 we can see that the most literate
countries
Use synonyms
 are
countries
Use synonyms
 C and D whose educated total
Use synonyms
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
show examples
 are 90,3% and 99% respectively
in contrast
Linking Words
 with
Use synonyms
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 A and B whose only nearly half the
population
Use synonyms
 is educated with an extensive gap between gender`s literacy rate. If we go through the details we can clearly see that in
countries
Use synonyms
 A and B males are more than twofold more literate than females. On the other ,hand
while
Linking Words
 exploring data about
countries
Use synonyms
 C and D we notice that in these
countries
Use synonyms
 where a great amount of the
population
Use synonyms
 is literate the difference between
genders
Change noun form
genders'
gender's
show examples
 educational rates is nearly equal with a little bit
male
Change preposition
of male
show examples
 advantage.
Finally
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the chart is evident that the above than
four fifth
Add a hyphen
four-fifth
show examples
 of
world's
Correct article usage
the world's
show examples
population
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 educated with males little advance.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to, in contrast".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words countries, country, population with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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