IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, children and teenager play more and more computer games. Parents think computer games have little value and more harmful effects. What's opinion?

#children #teenager #computer #games #parents #value #effects
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today's generation, younger ones play more
games
 on a
computer
 rather than going out.
Computer
games
 have many side effects. In my opinion, if a person is playing
computer
games
 he/she may have weak eyesight and their body is not
also
 not physically fit. Nowadays,
children
 like to play all types of video
games
 as these
games
 provide an adrenaline rush to the brains which are liked by them. But they know the other side of it, as playing virtual
games
 for too long may increase their chances of putting high-power glasses on their eyes.
For example
, in today's era,
children
 have glasses so thick at an early age because of the excess screen time, but if you see a decade ago,
children
 of the same age at that time had their eyes so sharp they didn't require glasses.
Secondly
, the limitation of playing
computer
games
 is that one has to sit in one place and play.
Due to
this
, there is a rapid increase in obesity cases in
children
. They just sit in one place and play
games
 all time which affects their body physically as they do not do any exercise to work their body properly, by which they suffer many problems as their immune system is not good as the
children
 who are physically fit. In conclusion, playing
computer
games
 does not have any value as they didn't teach anything. If you want
children
 to learn any values like teamwork and leadership qualities these things can be thought by playing physically.
Submitted by srivastav.anmol03 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: