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Band 7.5

In most countries multinational companies and their products are becoming more and more important. This trend is seriously damaging our quality of life.

#countries #companies #products #trend #quality #life
Multinational
companies
 nowadays find it convenient both to market their goods all over the world and set up production facilities wherever they find it convenient. In my ,opinion
this
 has had an adverse effect on our quality of life in three main areas. 　　The first area is their
products
. Supporters of globalization would argue that multinational
companies
 make high-quality goods available to more people.
While
this
 may be true to some extent, it
also
 means that we have less choice of
products
 to consume. When powerful multinational
companies
 invade local markets with their goods, they often are obliged by local
companies
 with fewer resources to go out of business. In consequence, we are obliged to buy multinational
products
 whether we like them or not. 　　
This
 brings me to my second point. It is sometimes said that multinational
companies
 and globalisation are making societies more open.
This
 may be true.
However
, I would point out that as a ,result the human race is losing its cultural diversity. If we consumed varied
products
, societies, wherever we live, would be more varied.
This
 can be seen by the fact that we all shop in
identicalmultinational
Correct your spelling
multinational
 supermarkets and buy identical
products
 wherever we live. 　　
Thirdly
, defenders of multinational
companies
 often point out that they provide jobs.
Although
this
 is undoubtedly true, it
also
 means that we have become more valuable to them, which in turn makes us more vulnerable to their decisions. When,
for example
, a multinational decides to move its production facilities to another country,
this
 has an adverse effect on its workers who lose their jobs. 　　All in all, I believe that if we as voters pressured our governments to make multinational
companies
 more responsible and to protect local producers from outside competition, we could have the benefits of globalisation without its disadvantages.
Submitted by tfhe1112 on

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task response
Your response addresses the task adequately, covering the impact of multinational companies on quality of life and presenting three main areas of concern. Ensure that each main point is well-developed with specific examples and connections to the thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion. To improve further, consider using more linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Also, ensure that each paragraph is focused on a clear topic sentence that relates back to the thesis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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