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Band 6.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood, or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programs #charity #neighborhood #sports #children
Some individuals think that
community
service
 should be
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 obligatory part of primary
school
 programs (
for instance
 working for a charity, enhancing the
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
, or
euducating
Correct your spelling
educating
sports to younger children). I totally agree with
this
 statement because unsalaried
community
service
 can
beneficial
Add a missing verb
be beneficial
show examples
 for high
school
students
 in their personal and professional
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
.
To begin
 with, there are several reasons why I believe society
service
 should be mandatory for high
school
 programs. Regarding personal
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
, unpaid
work
 is
advantagous
Correct your spelling
advantageous
 for their primary
school
students
 in their personal
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
. To illustrate, through engaging high
school
students
 in
community
service
 they can develop many skills namely, solving problems, communication,
Correct word choice
and time-management
show examples
time-management
Correct your spelling
time management
show examples
.
For example
,
students
 via working for a charity
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can make relationships with other
people
, which
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
show examples
 they can develop communication skills.
Furthermore
, working on
community
service
 can enhance a sense of
beloging
Correct your spelling
belonging
 for society.
This
 is because
students
 will feel they provide vital services
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
. When it comes to professional
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
,
community
 services can
boosts
Change the verb form
boost
show examples
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
 opportunities for
students
 later in their future
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
This
 is because often companies prefer applicants who have real experience, which
mean
Change the verb form
means
show examples
 unpaid
work
 can make
CV
Correct article usage
the CV
show examples
 of
students
 more attractive
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 employers.
Therefore
,
people
 with previous experiences with unpaid
community
service
 are more likely to get
a better job opportunities
Correct the article-noun agreement
better job opportunities
a better job opportunity
show examples
.
Moreover
, unpaid
work
 can make
people
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not find challenges in their professional
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
.
This
 is because
people
 who live experience with unsalaried
work
 already know how to deal with stress.
To sum up
, I completely think
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unsalaried
community
service
 should become mandatory for primary
school
 pupils because
it
Add a verb
isit
wasit
show examples
 advantageous for them in their personal and professional
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • compulsory
  • unpaid community service
  • charity
  • neighborhood improvement
  • teaching sports
  • empathy
  • social justice
  • transferable skills
  • teamwork
  • leadership
  • problem-solving
  • civic duty
  • civic engagement
  • educational enhancement
  • practical experiences
  • academic learning
  • real-world applications
  • social cohesion
  • mutual support
  • time management
  • balancing priorities
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