Some people think that governments should pay for education and health care, while others believe that it is not their responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some
people
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argue that governments should cover the cost of
education
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and healthcare for their citizens. Some
people
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believe that the cost of
education
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and healthcare
of
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for
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people
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is the
government
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‘s responsibility,
while
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others argue that individuals should pay for their
education
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and
health
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by
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care by
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themselves. I believe that most
people
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should pay for these services themselves. In the modern era, University tuition fees have increased steadily, and medical treatment has
also
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become more expensive . In
such
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circumstances, not everyone can afford these services, so the
government
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should provide financial support to improve
people
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's
health
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.
Furthermore
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, the
government
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should provide scholarships to young
people
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, helping students from low-income families gain access to higher
education
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.
This
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would reduce inequality and improve social mobility.
As a result
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, in the long term better-educated population contributes to the economy and pays higher taxes, which can offset public spending.
On the other hand
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, I strongly believe that individuals should take responsibility for their own
education
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and
health
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. When the
government
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pays for all
people
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’s
education
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and
health
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care, it leads to higher taxes and
also
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have
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has
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a negative effect on the
government
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budget. If individuals pay for their own
education
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and
health
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care, they would become more responsible for their future.
For example
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, students who pay part of their tuition are often more motivated to complete their studies because they value the opportunity more highly.
In addition
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, the
government
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should allocate more funding to other sectors
such
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as infrastructure and environmental protection. In conclusion,
although
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governments should cover the costs of
education
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and healthcare for low-income families, I believe that most
people
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should pay for these services themselves.

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task response
Make your main view fully clear from the start and keep it the same all through the essay.
task response
Discuss both sides in a more even way. The first body part supports government help, but your own view is mostly in the second part.
task response
Add one more clear and real example to support each main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some links are good, but a few ideas move too fast.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order so each paragraph has one main point, then support, then result.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea about who should pay. Try to build the argument step by step.
task response
You answered both views and gave your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You use examples like low-income families and student motivation to support your ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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