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Writing Samples
Band 4

in some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. what are the advantages and disadvantages of giving childrent this message?

#cultures #children #childrent #message
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Telling young people that they can reach their goals through hard tries has
some
Correct determiner usage
a
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 great impact on them. Boosting their confidence and encouraging them to pursue what they aim at are some of the advantages that would appear in adulthood. When someone grows up with
this
Linking Words
 kind of mindset, he or she would try their best to be successful in all of their
lives
Change noun form
life's
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 aspects
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 they believe that if they do their best they will achieve what they want.
While
Linking Words
 it is beneficial for children to grow up with
this
Linking Words
 point of view, it can cause them issues and struggles in
long
Correct article usage
the long
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 term,
for
Linking Words
example
Add the comma(s)
,example
show examples
 there are situations in life
Change preposition
in that
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that
Correct word choice
where
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 no matter how much effort you put in, you would not receive
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
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 outcome.
As a result
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
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 it is advantageous to try hard for your goals, it should be considered that outcome of different occasions
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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 not depend only on
personal
Add an article
the personal
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 effort of individuals. There are so many more factors which would be considered in
final
Add an article
the final
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 outcome of an occasion and failure in reaching a goal should not be considered
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 personal disability or anything like that. So, it is better to show children all the aspects of real life
in
Change preposition
on
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 the path
of
Change preposition
to
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 success and reaching what they want. Telling youngsters that they are able to
acheive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 what they want can be
benecial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for their sense of courage and confidence but
also
Linking Words
, they should be told that there are other important elements which affect their goal and they should be prepared to be either a winner or a loser in any situation so they would not get hurt and a single failure would not have a serious effect on them.
Submitted by eemami14 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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