IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, young people are living in richer and healthier condition but less happy. What are the reasons? What might be done to solve this issue?

In today's society, there are thousands of young people living in comfortably than others, but they are less happy. There can be countless reasons, so in
this
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 essay, I will be discussing them.
To begin
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 with, having wealth and not worrying about a rainy day is a privilege. Even though, majority of the population can agree to
this
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, individuals could suffer from various reasons and circumstances. Including homesickness, clock-like, endless repeating life. If I elaborate on homesickness thoroughly, living outside of family, travelling or studying overseas are the mostly reasons for it. When a person lives in a new environment or changes scenery, it could make the body restless, which causes it.
In addition
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, when everyday activity becomes repetitive and predictable, they start to resent.
Moreover
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, it doesn't matter how rich that person is or how healthy that individual is; they become less happy.
However
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, there are numerous actions that could overcome these conditions. First of all, young people can travel around the world, which displays human freedom.
Moreover
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, if a person doesn't like going out much, they can plan get-togethers with their loved ones,
such
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 as family and friends.
Secondly
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, individuals can just enjoy their personal time reading or develop their hobby thoroughly. Suffice it to say, young people that achieved financial freedom and health can still suffer from depression.
In other words
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, it is important to note that living a life
that is
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 written like a book is pointless
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 and one must look into new things and learn more about them.

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task response
Be clear about your main idea in the opening and keep it in the rest of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Use simple linking words to show order (first, next, finally) and add a clear ending that restates your main idea.
examples
Add one or two plain examples for each point to show how it can be true.
grammar vocabulary
Check grammar and word use. Prefer common, short words and simple sentences.
content
The essay shows a plan to talk about reasons and ways to fix it.
idea
It says money and good health do not always give joy, which is a clear idea.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Materialism
  • Consumerism
  • Social isolation
  • Technological advancement
  • Face-to-face interactions
  • Mindfulness
  • Stress management
  • Resilience
  • Mental health
  • Well-being
  • Competitive world
  • Expectations
  • Pressure
  • Balanced lifestyle
  • Leisure activities
What to do next:
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