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Writing Samples
Band 7

some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve mind, such as, doing word puzzles or reading. other feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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The debate over how to utilize free
time
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 is an ongoing one.
While
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 some people believe it is better to enhance cognitive ability by engaging in
activities
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such
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 as studying or playing, others argue that it should be reserved for relaxing the mind. I agree with the former viewpoint of utilizing free
time
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 effectively. All types of work demand either physical or mental
labor
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labour
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, often both.
As a result
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, individuals can become physically or mentally drained.
In addition
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, body aches, burnout, and work pressure can be prevalent.
Such
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 pressure can easily damage physical or mental health.
For instance
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, my friend Ram, who works as a surgeon even on Sundays and Saturdays, hardly gets
time
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 for his basic personal
activities
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. Because of the exhaustion and demanding nature of their jobs, most people do not prefer to do any other activity in their spare
time
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; they rather opt for giving rest to their minds.
On the other hand
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, some people have less stressful jobs.
For instance
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, business owners who have many staff members working under them often find spare
time
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 as they have managers to look after their work.
This
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 means they can easily engage themselves in sports or recreational
activities
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 alone or with family.
For example
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, my father, after assigning duties to other members, prefers
traveling
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travelling
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 to places in his free
time
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 to improve and stimulate his brain functioning. In conclusion, I believe that if one has a less stressful job, they should choose to utilize their leisure
time
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 doing some activity, which will, in turn, improve their mind. Engaging in
activities
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 that enhance cognitive abilities can lead to a more fulfilling and balanced life.

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task achievement
Expand on the reasons why people with less stressful jobs might choose cognitive activities in their leisure time. Providing more detailed examples and reasoning will strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Consider offering a counter-argument to further demonstrate a balanced understanding of both perspectives. This would enhance the depth of your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to make your essay more engaging. This can improve the flow and make it more interesting to read.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This will improve the logical flow and make your essay more cohesive.
introduction conclusion present
The essay features a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a strong framework for your argument.
relevant specific examples
You included relevant specific examples, such as the examples of your friend Ram and your father, which help to illustrate your points effectively.
supported main points
The main points are generally well supported, making your argument relatively convincing.
complete response
Your response directly addresses the task, discussing both viewpoints and providing your opinion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive abilities
  • mental stagnation
  • intellectually stimulating
  • relaxation
  • meditation
  • stress reduction
  • overall well-being
  • personal development
  • life satisfaction
  • sense of achievement
  • emotional balance
  • peace of mind
  • scientific evidence
  • memory
  • learning
  • creativity
  • emotional regulation
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