IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you thing this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development
While
 more and more
people
 with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments,
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 and
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 patients are visiting their usual
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
. Nowadays, the popularity of cannabis-based medicines, herbal remedies, and aromatherapy has increased as alternative medicines and treatments.
This
 trend is not only true
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 who
likes
Change the verb form
like
show examples
 leading
natural
Correct article usage
a natural
show examples
 lifestyle but
also
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 who are diagnosed
serious
Change preposition
with serious
show examples
 disease like cancer. Trying massage, meditation, and yoga are
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 to get refreshed but
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can’t
be work
Change the verb form
work
show examples
 as
treatment
Add an article
a treatment
show examples
. From a doctor’s point of view,
this
 trend is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
extremely dangerous because none of them have scientifically
proved
Correct your spelling
proven
show examples
 to have strong enough evidence to cure any diseases.
However
, when it comes to overcrowded
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hospitals all over the country and medical insurance
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
, it might be seen as
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 development. As it’s free charge in Japan, calling
ambulance
Add an article
an ambulance
the ambulance
show examples
 for trivial matters is now getting a social problem and some
people
 die in the ambulance just because they couldn’t find a hospital with availability. Needless to say,
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
people
 visiting hospitals means less medical
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
. Now one-four Japanese men and one-third
Japanese
Change preposition
of Japanese
show examples
 women are over 65 years old and
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 amount of medical
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 is huge
burdensome
Correct word choice
and burdensome
show examples
 since 70 to 90
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of their medical costs are covered by our tax. Advanced surgeries and prolonged
chronical
Correct your spelling
chronic
 treatment tend to be expensive but if we could allocate those resources
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 researching difficult diseases and creating new drugs, our life expectancy could be extended in the future.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: