At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries today, the
population
includes a significantly higher
number
of young adults compared to older individuals.
While
acknowledging the drawbacks of
this
demographic shift, I firmly believe that these can not prevail over the benefits Granted, there are some significant disadvantages to having a youthful
population
. One main challenge is the contemporary shortage of skilled experts, which can hinder the development of key industries and infrastructure.
For instance
, in Vietnam, the construction of the subway heavily relies on commissioned foreign experts due the the lack of qualified local professionals.
Additionally
,
this
demographic trend can
also
put pressure on higher
budget
Fix the agreement mistake
budgets
show examples
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
tertiary education. To illustrate,
within
Change preposition
with
show examples
the
ịncrease
Correct your spelling
increase
in the
number
of students, universities and colleges need to pay more for the expansion of their
infracstructure
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
such
as lecture halls, dormitories, libraries, and recreational facilities, which requires substantial
finacial
Correct your spelling
financial
investments. Despite negatives to a certain extent,
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
of having a significant proportion are believed to be enormous.
First,
a youthful
population
plays a pivotal role in driving innovation and creativity. Younger
demographic
Fix the agreement mistake
demographics
show examples
tend to be more open-minded, adaptable, and willing to experiment with new ideas, contributing to the economic and technological advancement
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
any nation.
Moreover
, a large
number
of young adults could
also
increase consumption and market growth. To exemplify,
younge
Correct your spelling
young
people drive demand in various sectors, including food, fashion, technology, entertainment,
education
Correct word choice
and education
show examples
, creating a dynamic consumer market and providing businesses with opportunities to grow and create more jobs. In conclusion,
albeit
Change preposition
despite
show examples
Correct article usage
the short
show examples
short term
Add a hyphen
short-term
show examples
drawbacks of the large
number
of young
population
regarding
contemporary
Add an article
the contemporary
a contemporary
show examples
shortage of skilled experts and
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
budget on tertiary education , I contend that these could be eclipsed by the merits of innovation and market growth.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To further enhance your essay, aim to clearly state the thesis in the introduction and ensure all subsequent paragraphs align with it.
task achievement
Keep improving on providing more relevant and specific examples to support your points consistently.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure your essay's structure is sound, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Perhaps try using linking phrases for smooth transitions.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a distinct introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The arguments provided are generally relevant to the task and fairly well developed.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay displays a strong logical structure, with each paragraph focusing on a main point that supports your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Get your IELTS Essential Vocabulary List —
Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
What to do next:
Look at other essays: