IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation
It is a fact that, nowadays, the number of young
adults
 is more than older
people
 in some countries. In my opinion, the benefits of
this
 phenomenon outweigh the drawbacks. There are many advantages for countries that have more young
people
 than older
people
.
Firstly
, older
people
 compared with young
people
 do not have adequate energy to do work.
For example
, in some jobs that require physical activity
such
 as oil workers, staff must work physically for eight hours, so older
people
 cannot do
such
 work efficiently.
Secondly
, young
people
 are fast learners because their brain is highly capable of learning new things in less time.
However
, older
people
 have spent more time learning.
Finally
, young
adults
 have great motivation to explore new things and prove themselves to everyone,
while
 older
people
 are not as motivated as younger ones to achieve new objectives.
On the other hand
, there are some disadvantages for societies in that the number of older
people
 is less than younger
adults
. One of the most important aspects is that older
people
 have great experience in many fields
such
 as business.
In contrast
, the rate of error in the younger generation is high because they do not have enough experience to deal with some difficulties. Another aspect is that young
people
 may not be capable of seeing problems from different views, so they might make some decisions that have irreversible implications. In conclusion, in some
countries
Add a comma
,countries
show examples
 the population of older
people
 is less than young
adults
.
This
 situation has some negative and positive effects. In my point of view, positive effects are more significant than negative effects.
Submitted by shahab_e2020 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
What to do next:
Look at other essays: