Modern society is becoming more concerned about the increase in juvenile crime. what do you think is the cause of the increase in juvenile crime? what solutions can you suggest.
Recently, with the development of information technology, juveniles are easily exposed to various kinds of violations. Often, many people have raised concerns that the youth
crime
rate has risen considerably in contemporary society. This
essay will identify the possible causes behind this
phenomenon and suggest some solutions.
There are several causes behind this
phenomenon. First,
It is difficult for parents
to spend enough time taking care of their offspring. In busy modern life, both fathers and mothers work to make money for their livelihood. For that reason, children tend to spend their free time on the Internet. Second,
the description of violations in books and TV shows these days is more vivid and realistic than ever, so it can readily motivate or inspire juveniles. Realistic or detailed explanations of criminal methods can educate adolescents with less sublime intentions and encourage them to commit copycat crimes
. For instance
, there are many juvenile crimes
in South Korea, and more than 40 per cent of them have committed crimes
out of curiosity after reading books or watching movies related to them. In addition
, the punishment for youth delinquency is significantly weaker than that for adult criminals
. In fact, in Korea, the punishment for crimes
is noticeably weak, so the number of juvenile offenders who abuse crime
is increasing quite a bit.
To tackle this
problem, one of the most effective solutions, then
, will be financial aid for parents
who have kids. If the government
provides some money to parents
, they do not have to work too much, which will reduce their financial burden. As a result
, people can try to spend their precious time with their children. Besides
, the government
should enact a law to deter juvenile criminals
from committing crimes
. When accessing media related to violence, if the government
create a mandatory system for adult certification over the age of 20, teenagers cannot access it, so we can prevent young people's exposure to violent content. Moreover
, even if minors commit a crime
, they should be punished in the same way that adult criminals
are according to
the crime
they commit, not by their age, so it can reduce the youth crime
rate.
In conclusion, violent media content is responsible for an increasing the number of juvenile criminals
in contemporary society. To combat adolescent crimes
getting more , not only the government
but also
the family have to take various measures.The government
should educate or strengthen punishment for juvenile offenders. In addition
, parents
should effort to take care of their children.Submitted by gnlwnww on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly addresses a single main idea to improve coherence. Using topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs can guide the reader through your argument more seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
To enhance cohesion, use a wider range of linking words and phrases that not only show the relationship between ideas but also guide the reader through the progression of your argument.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, aim to incorporate a wider variety of relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. While your essay does a good job of discussing general causes and solutions, incorporating more detailed examples and data could strengthen your points.
task achievement
When discussing solutions or causes, consider exploring them in greater depth. This includes elaborating on how specific solutions could be implemented and how they would effectively address the issues at hand.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example