IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people today find it difficult to balance the demand of their work and personal life. what are the causes of this situation, and but can be individuals amd employers do to reduce the problem?

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Nowadays, individuals find it hard to manage their
work
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 and personal
life
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.
This
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 essay intends to discuss the causes and some solutions to tackle
this
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 problem. There are a number of reasons why
people
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 find it
to
Correct your spelling
too
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 tough to manage their
work
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 and personal
life
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.
Firstly
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, individuals have to
work
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 hard to meet all their expenses.
Price
Correct article usage
The price
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 of every item is increasing day by day.
This
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 forces a person to give priority to their
work
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than
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over
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 all other things. Even if a person is interested
to do
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in doing
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 a leisure activity they do not have
time
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 or
he
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apply
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is too tired to do an activity after
work
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.
Moreover
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,
people
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 today are obsessed with materialistic things and to show their status symbol in society.
This
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 encourages them to earn more and only a little
time
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 is
spend
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spent
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 with family or friends. The solutions are not easy.
To begin
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 with, the government should make strict policies regarding the rising inflation. The government should
also
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 fix working hours so that every employee is only working for a limited number of hours.
This
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 will give
people
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 more
time
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 to spend with their family.
This
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 will promote better
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work
Add a hyphen
work-life
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life
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 balance and
also
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 reduce stress levels of an employee.
Secondly
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,
people
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 should understand that buying expensive items for the sake of showing off is a waste of
time
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 and money. They should rather focus on doing things which they actually like and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not worry about status symbols.
To conclude
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,
although
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, many individuals find it tough to balance their
work
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 and personal
life
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, yet ,
this
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 situation can be solved with the help of
government
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the government
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 and if
people
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 recognize that there is no need to be obsessed with costly items.

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task achievement
Include specific examples to support your points, such as a personal anecdote or data regarding work-life balance trends. This will add depth to your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Consider refining the introduction to better outline the structure of your essay. It would help to briefly mention the points you'll discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Strengthen your conclusion by summarizing the key points discussed in the essay, rather than just restating the problems and solutions.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both causes and solutions, which shows understanding of the task.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a logical flow, with distinct paragraphs for causes and solutions, indicating a good attempt at coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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