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Writing Samples
Band 7

The given bar chart illustrates how many males and females played six different sports in English cities during 2012.

The given bar chart illustrates how many males and females played six different sports in English cities during 2012.
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The given bar chart illustrates how many males and females played six different sports in English cities during 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the chart is that a large number of
boys
Use synonyms
 were playing football and tennis.
While
Linking Words
 around half of the
girls
Use synonyms
 were interested in swimming.
In addition
Linking Words
, Hockey bottom of the list for both genders. Looking at details regarding the number of
boys
Use synonyms
, Football was the most favourite
sport
Use synonyms
 for males with 60
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 playing it.
Then
Linking Words
 the next most attractive
sport
Use synonyms
 of them is Tinnes and accounted for half of the
boys
Use synonyms
 played it. After that swimming and cycling came in turn by 40 and 38 persons did it in 2012.
While
Linking Words
 Hockey was the most neglected
sport
Use synonyms
 among all and around 10 people did it.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, swimming headed the list for females with 50 of them playing it.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, for cycling
girls
Use synonyms
 were less by double than
boys
Use synonyms
 and accounted for 20 individuals of
girls
Use synonyms
.
Besides
Linking Words
, there is a slight difference between
boys
Use synonyms
 and
girls
Use synonyms
 in badminton
sport
Use synonyms
 approximately 10 and 8
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, girls, sport with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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