IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Too much attention is paid to and too much money is spent on keeping pets, while people throughout the world are starving. Discuss the arguments for and against keeping pets. To what extent do you agree?

#attention #money #pets #people #world #arguments
Nowadays everyone across the world has their opinion and option for the things they do. Our nation is paying more concentration and funding on owning species, but there are others that are in hunger and starvation.
This
 essay will discuss the arguments that are for and against keeping pets. On the one hand, there are multiple reasons why people are with keeping pets.
First,
some animals are used as protection.
Furthermore
, some individuals in the US have been saved by their dogs from theft which is something that every person wants to avoid.
Second,
it can
also
 be used in guidance.
For example
, blind people in the UK often own dogs that help them with transport across the city.
Finally
, not only are they used for protection and guidance but
also
 in some sort of investment.
For instance
, in the
middle east
Correct your spelling
Middle East
show examples
 some purchase horses that are gorgeous and sell them double the price.
However
,
on the other hand
, there are several reasons why some are against having pets.
To begin
 with, the money spent on them could be donated to the ones that are in dire need.
Moreover
, many individuals pay over two hundred Kuwaiti Dinars for their dogs,
while
 that amount could feed at least ten families in Africa.
Lastly
, animals are not human beings,
nevertheless
, they do not think or benefit our world.
Thus
, wasting money on them would not have a great outcome in our society. In conclusion, there are many who are for owning animals in their life, but, there are others against
this
. In my opinion, I completely agree that people should donate more money to the ones in need rather than species that will not benefit our community.
Submitted by alwutaib2 on

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task response
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coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas in a logical and coherent manner. Use transition words and phrases to connect ideas and improve overall flow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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