IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

:In some countries, fast food restaurants and companies give money to schools provided that the schools promote their products to school children. What do you think is the positive and negative of this in the development of children? might refrain fro m heathy food provide by family fat sugar obesitty relevant problejj develp the similasr habit fo tlong riub dan f difficult to manage financially

#countries #food #restaurants #companies #money #schools #products #school #children #development #m #heathy #sugar #obesitty #problejj #develp #similasr #habit #fo #tlong #riub #dan #f
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A few nations let learning institutes advertise about new restaurants and business owners offer them a good amount of money. From my perspective, it is a negative trend as it could have a bad impact on children and the same would be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, if schools initiate to promote fast
food
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 eating places inside the campus it could lead to a big problem. To commence with, it is quite clear that kids are like clay,
in
Change preposition
at
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 an early age, they could be moulded into any shape.
Thus
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, if they encounter
with
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apply
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fast
food
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 on a daily basis and eat it regularly,
subsequently
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, they could develop
this
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 habit for their whole life.
However
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, they could be at
a
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apply
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risk of high cholesterol and other
health
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 problems, in fact, they might not be able to manage it financially.
For instance
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, in hectic schedules, no one is having enough time to cook for themselves, but childhood habits, would not refrain them from eating unhealthy
food
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 and let them continue to do it.
Furthermore
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,
although
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 parents would pack healthy meals for their wards,
but
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apply
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they could have
desperate
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a desperate
the desperate
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 urge to eat
food
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 prepared at their schools. To put it forth, they would not eat home-made
food
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 afterwards,
whereas
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, it could lead to
harmful
Correct article usage
a harmful
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 impact on their
health
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.
For example
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, nowadays, the majority of kids are suffering from
health
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 problems
such
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 as obesity as they have been consuming
food
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 filled with fat and sugar on a daily basis.
Besides
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,
this
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 could lead to problems in their families since guardians would restrict them to consume
such
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food
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 items, whilst children would not pay attention to them. In conclusion, in
this
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 era, the world
have
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has
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 been suffering physically and financially
due to
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 wrong eating habits,
consequently
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, there is a need to encourage
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
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 to avoid
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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over consumption
Correct your spelling
overconsumption
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.
On the other hand
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, if schools would advertise
for
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apply
show examples
such
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 products, it would have a
deterimental
Correct your spelling
detrimental
 impact on the
health
Use synonyms
 of young ones.
Submitted by lavisharma622 on

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