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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods.

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods.
#numbers #visitors #ashdown #museum #year #show #surveys #visit #two #periods
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The table illustrates information about
Correct article usage
the numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 to
exhibition
Add an article
an exhibition
the exhibition
show examples
 called Ashdown during the year and the year after it was
renovation
Replace the word
renovated
show examples
. The pie graph
demonstrate
Change the verb form
demonstrates
show examples
 the outcomes of surveys asking
visitors
Use synonyms
 how contented they were with their visit, during the same two periods.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 before and after
Correct article usage
the redevelopmented
show examples
redevelopmented
Correct your spelling
redevelopment
 of
museum
Add an article
the museum
show examples
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased dramatically.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the percentage of
visitors
Use synonyms
 who
very
Add a missing verb
were very
show examples
 satisfied and satisfied was the highest,
while
Linking Words
 no response was the lowest. Looking at
table
Add an article
the table
show examples
 in more detail, the number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 before refurbished was 7200 people and after
renovation
Add an article
the renovation
show examples
 was raised dramatically to 92000 people. Regarding
pie
Correct article usage
the pie
show examples
 chart, the number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 who
satisfied
Add a missing verb
were satisfied
show examples
 showed
highest
Change the article
the highest
show examples
 proportion from 30 to 40 %,
whereas
Linking Words
 the no
response
Add a verb
isresponse
wasresponse
show examples
 still unchanged and
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 percentage at 5 %. The very satisfied
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
 category showed
increase
Add an article
an increase
show examples
 from 15 to 35 %. In comparison, the dissatisfied showed
highest
Change the article
the highest
show examples
 decline on surveys from 40 to 15 %.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • refurbishment
  • visitor statistics
  • satisfaction survey
  • seasonal trends
  • demographics
  • benchmarking
  • feedback mechanisms
  • amenities
  • exhibitions
  • customer experience
  • turnaround
  • user engagement
  • footfall
  • improvements
  • disparities
  • perception
  • enhancements
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