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Writing Samples
Band 4

ldentify the scope of human augmentation and human enhancement anoevaluate the significance of drawbacks and limitations to its uses. Refer toresearch findings and examples as support.

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Drawbacks induced by human
augmentation
Use synonyms
 or human enhancement are significant to
people’s
Use synonyms
 personal information, living skills and body
health
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, two common disadvantages of HA and HE which are
privacy
Use synonyms
 infringement and over-reliance will be discussed. Since HA is included in HE, applications of HA will be provided to argue these points. In terms of
privacy
Use synonyms
 violations, users’
privacy
Use synonyms
 could be invaded by data collection and intrusive surveillance.
According to
Linking Words
 Raisamo et al. (2019) research, since major organizations frequently create fresh human
augmentation
Use synonyms
 technology, numerous users’ data are collected and made profits by these organizations, which creates moral problems in human
augmentation
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
Viseu
Use synonyms
 (2003) claims that some HA technologies could monitor
people’s
Use synonyms
 biometrical information to maintain their
health
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 might be an illegal action to monitor and collect other
people’s
Use synonyms
 information (Davies et al., 2015). Invasion of
privacy
Use synonyms
 could not only cause illegal acts
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 possibly harms
people’s
Use synonyms
 physical and psychological
health
Use synonyms
 because of monitoring. Being constantly monitoring might weak
people’s
Use synonyms
 sense of autonomy severely (Macnish, 2022, cited by Furendal and Jebari, 2023). Bankins and Formosa (2023) illustrate an example that Amazon provides their workers in warehouses with handheld barcode scanners to improve their productivity in dealing with orders, but their behaviours are monitored by scanners which
stresses
Change the verb form
stress
show examples
 out them and
hurts
Change the verb form
hurt
show examples
 their bodies (cited by Furendal and Jebari, 2023).
Secondly
Linking Words
, people might
over rely
Add a hyphen
over-rely
show examples
 on these technologies
due to
Linking Words
 excessive interaction. Some people claim that human
augmentation
Use synonyms
 is supposed to be applied wider because of the convenience for their lives (
Viseu
Use synonyms
, 2003).
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, an example suggests that if doctors rely on
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 to diagnose patients’ illnesses, it might be impossible for them to complete a diagnosis when the computer cannot work (
Viseu
Use synonyms
, 2003). A similar justification was claimed by Mumford (1972) that
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 have started losing
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 legs
as a result
Linking Words
 of being overly dependent on cars (cited by
Viseu
Use synonyms
, 2003). Apart from these common problems,
application
Correct article usage
the application
show examples
 of human enhancement has an extra drawback on
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
 sense. Raisamo et. al. (2019) argue that neurotechnological implants and chemical stimulants could harm users’
sense
Fix the agreement mistake
senses
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 side effects.
Although
Linking Words
 wearable computers have been created, which could monitor users’ mental and physical conditions
according to
Linking Words
 the application of biological sensors,
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 first commercial version has not been announced yet (
Viseu
Use synonyms
, 2003).
As a consequence
Linking Words
, applications of HA and HE might not only harm
people’s
Use synonyms
health
Use synonyms
 and break the law by invasion of
privacy
Use synonyms
, but
also
Linking Words
 could be addictive for users, which incapacitate
people’s
Use synonyms
 working and living skills, and some side effects of HE could not be ignored.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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