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Band 4.5

People are more mobile nowadays. They seldom live in one city all of their lives. Why do you think this is happening? What are the consequences of this trend? Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your opinion

#people #city #lives #consequences #trend #situation #support
Without a
doubt
Add a comma
,doubt
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 people became more mobile during the
last
 century. If we
are taking
Wrong verb form
take
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 into consideration
human's
Change noun form
human
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 lifestyle
before
Rephrase
apply
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, they lived the whole
life
 in
one
 region like
country
Correct article usage
a country
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 or even
city
Correct article usage
a city
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 or village all their lives. They didn't have
much possibility
Change the quantifier
many possibilities
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 to travel,
such
 an activity was not very popular or well-known,
it
Correct word choice
and it
show examples
also
 may have been even dangerous. Exceptions were warriors or some sellers. We know that people often were at war and trade ways were
also
 crucial for living normally. Alternatively nowadays
one
 may travel without much problem. We may
also
 move to another country and begin
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
life
 there.
Unfortunately
Add a comma
,Unfortunately
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 when war came to Ukraine many people were forced to leave their homes and start from scratch.
Such
situation
Correct article usage
a situation
show examples
 has pros and cons. On the
one
 hand,
this
 is a great chance to change your
life
 entirely.
One
 gets new opportunities and possibilities, trains
another skills
Replace the adjective
another skill
other skills
show examples
 and gains some different knowledge.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
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such
 experience may lead to more successful results.
In contrast
, for another person
such
move
Correct article usage
a move
show examples
 may be
extremelly
Correct your spelling
extremely
 stressful and painful, it can become a failure.
For
instance
Add a comma
,instance
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 if someone has a settled
life
 in some place, has some home and goods, friends and family in
native
Correct article usage
a native
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 town it can be a disaster to leave all that and move somewhere you don't know much of and don't want actually to know. Personally, I feel that I'm not eager to change my living place and start everything over. For me, mobility is a great possibility to travel in order to rest, entertain yourself and see other
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
.
Submitted by helgavitalivna on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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