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Writing Samples
Band 8

It is a commonly held belief that the death penalty is a good deterrent to prevent heinous crimes. However, others believe that life long sentence is a better deterrent. Discuss both views

#belief #death #penalty #deterrent #crimes #life #sentence
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There is a controversy over the matter if
criminals
 ought to serve an everlasting crime sentence or should be sentenced to capital punishment. There are strong arguments on both sides, which we will discuss here. On the one hand, supporters of the
death
 punishment point out that it can cause
criminals
 to be dreaded.
In other words
, citizens strive to prevent themselves from committing hideous offences as they know it will cause them to be executed.
Furthermore
, they claim that the
death
 penalty is an automatic disincentive factor, which prevents even ordinary
people
 from committing hideous wrongdoings. In UAE,
for instance
, everyone knows that the penalty for kidnapping is
death
;
consequently
, no one dares to commit
this
 offence in
this
 country.
By contrast
, the other group argue that endless imprisonment should be considered a more effective crime-preventing factor.
This
 is because
criminals
 can be rehabilitated
while
 serving their convictions. In fact, prisoners are given an opportunity to refine themselves, come back to society, and function as productive
people
. In the United States,
for instance
,
criminals
, even murderers, are sentenced to prison with determined minimum years.
This
 can give these
criminals
 the chance to regret and refine
as well as
 express a new positive personality from themselves. There is another side to
this
 punishment
that is
also
 worth considering, meaning that without spreading violence,
people
 learn to avoid committing crimes as they do not aim to spend the rest of their lives in prison.
Overall
, after considering both viewpoints, I am inclined to believe that the
death
 penalty is violent even if it seems to be highly influential in deterring crime commitments and lifelong sentences are better options to prevent
people
 from accomplishing wrongdoings.
Submitted by mojgan.sobhani on

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coherence cohesion
Consider elaborating on the transition between the two viewpoints in your introduction. A clearer linkage can help the reader understand the flow of arguments better.
task achievement
Try to enhance your conclusion by summarizing the main points discussed in the body paragraphs before stating your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Avoid minor grammatical issues such as subject-verb agreement or word choice errors. Proofreading your essay can help identify and correct these mistakes.
task achievement
Your essay discusses both views in a balanced manner, providing relevant arguments and examples for each perspective.
coherence cohesion
You have structured your essay logically, with clear paragraphs addressing each viewpoint. This helps in maintaining coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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