IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that robots are important for human`s future development. Other think that robots have negative impacts on society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The existence of machines is a considerable concern in the present world. The majority of individuals believe that they are essential tools for progressing our society
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, some insist that they bring a detrimental impact on our nations.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both arguments deeply
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 I partly assert
they
Correct word choice
that they
show examples
 are beneficial for human beings. Indubitably, there are a few reasons why mechanical devices cause numerous drawbacks. Foremost, it allows companies to cut off their employees to save their
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
show examples
. To be more detailed, lots of smart devices can replace human labour since it is able to work
round
Use the right word
around
show examples
 to clock when energy is enough. In connection with
this
Linking Words
, families will lose their
lifestyles
Punctuation problem
lifestyles,
show examples
thus
Linking Words
 they become jobless
as well as
Linking Words
 bankrupt.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, artificial intelligence can threaten human accommodations since
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 can learn human intelligence by
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
itself
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
, robots can dominate humans and control our lives
such
Linking Words
 as Matrix
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is a
Scientific
Replace the word
science fiction
show examples
 movie. On the flip side, plenty of people have a belief that humans should reside with robots in order to improve our
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
show examples
. Primarily, it is able to support workers since it can operate all day whenever electricity is provided.
For instance
Linking Words
, workers can separate their work from machines in many ways. Precisely, machines are good at fabricating tons of products and are not good at checking errors
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 employees investigate their productivity to
quality
Verb problem
ensure quality
show examples
 control
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 items.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is worth it for businesses and workers both.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, smart intelligence can help researchers who dedicate their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 to inventing goods for humans to calculate complicated equations or theories to prove
comfortably
Correct pronoun usage
them comfortably
show examples
. In a nutshell,
although
Linking Words
 robots can be harmful to human beings, I am of the view that intelligent products give huge amounts of profits to us.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
The introduction could be clearer. A stronger thesis statement would help. Try to make your main argument more direct.
coherence and cohesion
You could improve the flow of your paragraphs. Use linking words to connect your ideas better.
task achievement
Make sure to provide more clear examples to support your points. This will help make your ideas more convincing.
task achievement
You have addressed both views as asked in the prompt. This shows you understand the task.
task achievement
Your ideas about the benefits of robots are interesting, like supporting workers and aiding researchers.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Automation
  • Artificial intelligence
  • Innovation
  • Labor-saving devices
  • Precision engineering
  • Economic efficiency
  • Disruption
  • Workforce displacement
  • Ethical dilemmas
  • Regulation
  • Digital divide
  • Skill obsolescence
  • Social interaction
What to do next:
Look at other essays: