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Band 6

People now spend more and more time at home than in the past. What are the reasons for this development and what its effects on people and society.

#people #time #home #development #effects #society
Compared to the past, staying at home is becoming more common than going outside. There are many reasons why people choose to spend most of their time at their house, and a lot of people and society were
also
 affected both positively and negatively. One of the bases of people spending their at home is their safety. Nowadays, there are a lot of criminals everywhere unlike back in the day. So, it is really advisable especially for students to remain at their place of residence after school rather than loiter around.
For instance
, teenagers are prone to become victims of different criminal activities
such
 as rape, kidnapping, violence, illegal drugs, human trafficking and other crimes. That's why parents in
this
 generation are more protective over their children and as much as possible, they want their loved ones to hang out with them at their own residence.
However
, there are
also
 drawbacks to most citizens not going outside. A lot of businessmen and workers were really affected. One good example is during the pandemic when all of us were not allowed to go outside unless necessary. Entrepreneurs suffered a great loss of profit because they
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 less or no customers at all. Even transportation drivers were
also
 affected
due to
lesser
Correct word choice
fewer
show examples
 passengers travelling to different places. The economy really collapsed worldwide
as a result
 of the pandemic.
Overall
, individuals spend most of their time at home for their safety and other reasons, and it has both positive and negative effects on society.
Submitted by aikacoakpc on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details to improve logical structure.
task achievement
Provide a more thorough analysis of the reasons and effects of people spending more time at home to improve task achievement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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