IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

‏Despite health warning,a large number of people continue to smoke all over the world.Why should we be concerned about this ?What solutions would you suggest?

#‏despite #health #people #smoke #world
In recent times smoking has increased. Many
people
 smoke without insight into the bad effects of smoking.
This
 essay will outline the risks of smoking and the best solutions to reduce
this
 issue. One of the main reasons why
people
 should be concerned about smoking is the health issues. If
people
 smoke frequently , potentially they will suffer from some diseases
such
 as heart disease and depression.
This
 can escalate into long-term health issues. Another reason is wasting money. Smoking can lead to financial problems.
For example
 , the result of conducted research at Glasgow University illustrates that 80% of smokers
people
 spend about half of their salary smoking.
Thus
,
people
 may suffer from poverty. There are many solutions to avoid
this
 problem. The government should educate individuals about the danger of smoking by spreading some research to aware
people
 of it. Another solution is going to the hospital. The psychology doctor can help the smoker to change his lifestyle and provide him with solutions to adopt a healthy lifestyle. In conclusion , smoking has a significant negative impact on
people
's lives. It causes many diseases and loss of money.
Therefore
 , the government and the hospital should work together to stop
this
 issue.
Submitted by 13570581 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

relevant specific examples
To strengthen the task achievement, include more specific and varied examples. For instance, you could mention specific campaigns or policies that have been effective in reducing smoking rates in certain countries.
logical structure
Work on enhancing coherence and cohesion by using more varied linking words and phrases. This can make the transitions between ideas smoother and the essay more engaging.
introduction conclusion present
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing the argument effectively.
logical structure
The main points are logically structured, and each paragraph has a clear focus, making it easy to follow the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!