IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

These day’s increasing number of overweight children in urban areas is a huge problem. What are its causes and effects on the country.

#day’s #children #areas #effects #country
Children
's weight gain because of overeating has become an alarming condition across the nation since the introduction of a sedentary lifestyle in the world at large. The following paragraphs of
this
 essay will talk about
this
 trend's causes and effects
To begin
 with, one of the most reasons why
children
 in the metropolis are facing obesity is their unhealthy diet.Their guardian are extremely busy with their career so they do not have enough time to prepare
food
 for all family or they just casually make a dish out of prepared
food
.
This
 may be a big issue for
children
 since they eat fast
food
 and prepared
food
 almost every day.
Besides
, technology has become more and more developed which keeps youngsters less active and moving because
they
Add a verb
arethey
werethey
show examples
 almost addicted to electronic devices like smartphones, tablets or television. Approximately 70% of youngsters in urban areas are fat,
according to
 a recent U.S. survey, which found that
this
 is
due to
 bad diets and a lack of participation in sports.
In addition
, the increase in overweight has several effects on the
country
. The youths are said that they are the future masters of the
country
 but the
children
 that are overweight may hinder the growth of their
country
.
For instance
, obesity makes them slow to move, and difficult to be flexible because their oversized body will hinder their contribution and service to the
country
.
Furthermore
, chronic diseases like heart disease, diabetes, liver infections and many more are all caused by obesity. With these types of health problems,
children
 will not be able to focus on their studies or life goals;
due to
 poor academic performance, they will not be able to pursue higher education and cannot work, so it will be difficult for them to contribute to the economy of the
country
. In conclusion, these factors,
as well as
 how they affect their
country
, explain why the proportion of obese
children
 in metropolitan areas is rising so quickly.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: