Nowadays, more people are choosing to socialize online rather than face to face. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Since developing industries, most
people
want to communicate online more than
face
to
face
. There are a few reasons for
this
: a comfortable system and
busy
Correct article usage
a busy
show examples
life. In my opinion,
this
is a positive development because
people
can live more effectively and easily with technology.
To begin
with, a crucial reason why
people
choose online for socializing is that online is more comfortable than meeting. When
people
meet
face
to
face
, they should spend a lot of
time
communicating.
This
is because they spend
time
adorning themselves and departing to the place.
Moreover
, they can do many things in a short
time
. Modern citizens
such
as students and workers live busy lives. In order to save
time
, they have to choose a
network
. It helps to save
people
’s
time
. To illustrate
this
, most students want to pick a tutor who teaches online because they want to make their own
time
to study other things.
Therefore
, because of a busy life and comfortable system,
people
want to socialize in a
network
. As there are many advantages that we can take from them, it is a helpful development. Humans can live their lives more usefully and easily with technology. They can enjoy movies in their house from OTT service;
foods
Correct word choice
and foods
show examples
that are delivered.
In addition
,
people
don’t have to go to the gym because they can exercise by playing games like Nintendo.
For example
, after the pandemic, many stores closed and
change
Wrong verb form
changed
show examples
their service type from offline to online because humans want to consume their products in a
network
store. Because of examples like
this
, humans can buy and enjoy many things in their place more comfortably. Given
this
, the situation that
people
prefer online more than offline is a positive circumstance. In conclusion, modern society wants
useful
Correct article usage
a useful
show examples
and restful life.
Therefore
, they choose
network
communication because of their own
time
.
Furthermore
, changing online society is a helpful situation since it makes an effective world. It will evolve technology and the future.
Submitted by haeunueah06 on

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Task Response
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. Your examples should be relevant and help to strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are adequately present, but the development of the essay could be enhanced by using more cohesive devices such as linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas.

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