Many people today are choosing to travel to other countries. Why is this happening? Is this a positive or negative development?

More and more
individuals
today are opting to
travel
abroad.
This
essay will discuss the reason why
this
is happening, and
this
is
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
development where there is an indication that the income of
people
is increasing.
To begin
with, many
people
nowadays can afford to
travel
to other countries.
This
is because the earnings of
people
rise, and
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
their basic needs are already fulfilled so that they can pay for plane tickets to
travel
overseas. These
people
also
are no longer thinking about how to meet their primary needs including paying bills, buying meals, and paying for accommodation. They believe that entertainment and exploring new places are activities which they should think of.
For example
, high-income families in Indonesia will allocate their time to
travel
abroad at least once a year; it is proven that they
use
their office leave for
this
occasion.
Overall
, the main factor why
individuals
choose to
trip
Verb problem
travel
show examples
to other nations is because their revenue
rise
Correct subject-verb agreement
rises
show examples
so that can afford the overseas
trip
.
In addition
,
this
is good progress where
people
can
wider
Replace the word
widen
show examples
their horizons. By travelling abroad,
individuals
can learn about other cultures, languages, and other countries’ activities so that they can expand their perspective.
Moreover
, international
travel
also
can be an idea for
people
,especially businessmen; they can
use
this
inspiration from
this
travel
.
For instance
, an entrepreneur can
use
the idea of food they eat in another country, or service they receive in some amenities so that the
trip
will be used for business benchmarking.
Therefore
, the international
trip
has a positive aspect for
people
in general and
also
for businessmen where they can expand their knowledge and
use
the idea for expanding their business.
To sum up
, the fundamental factor why
individuals
nowadays choose international trips is because there are increasing amount of revenue.
This
is positive growth where
people
can expand their horizons.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and provides an overview of your response. Additionally, your conclusion should effectively summarize your main points and provide a final thought on the topic.
task achievement
Be sure to address all parts of the task prompt, providing a clear explanation of why people are traveling to other countries and whether this trend is positive or negative. Additionally, provide specific examples and reasons to support your stance.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and varied language to express ideas. Additionally, pay attention to word choice and accuracy.
grammatical range
Work on sentence structure and grammatical accuracy. Use a variety of sentence structures and ensure that your writing is free from grammatical errors.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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