IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many parts of the world, families were larger in the past because people had more children. Do you think there were more advantages or disadvantages to being part of a large family in the past?

#parts #world #families #people #children #part
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Family is sacred to everyone. In the past, every family had a lot of
children
Use synonyms
 because they were big. There were advantages and disadvantages to living in a large family. In my opinion, living in a large family has several advantages.
For example
Linking Words
, first of all, the family is friendly and kind to each other when they live in a big family.
Secondly
Linking Words
, a big family makes a person stronger, individually, mentally and emotionally, and family helps in passing the traditional and cultural heritage from one generation to another. In a large ,family
children
Use synonyms
 can learn what they do not know by asking adults and no one is left alone in a difficult situation. The main thing is that they never get bored.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, living in a large family has several disadvantages. One of them, large family sizes may lead to a scarcity of basic amenities like food, health and clothing. If they do not eat enough, they may have health problems. When the family have a lot of
children
Use synonyms
 parents do not earn money for their
children
Use synonyms
's education and clothes. If
children
Use synonyms
 do not get enough education, they cannot become mature people.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the family teaches us the mantras of success in life like discipline, consistency hard work cleanliness and morality. I believe that can only achieve my aims with the support of my family which helps me have a stronger future.
Submitted by ieltsteaching0 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
The introduction lacks clarity and does not fully address the task. Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the main topic and the writer's opinion on the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat maintained, but there is a need for more coherence and cohesion between paragraphs. Use appropriate linking words and transitional phrases to enhance the flow of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: