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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Now a lot of people in college are doing academic study. should encourage them lo learn vocational skill (like plumbers electricians). Do you agree or disagree?

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The discussion of choosing appropriate teaching
subjects
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 is surely one that begs the question of whether
students
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 should go for traditional
subjects
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 or more practical ones. I, in my opinion, strongly believe that a balanced structure of both can be the most
apropos
Correct word choice
appropriate
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 choice in today's contemporary world.
To begin
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 with, there are many reasons why traditional academic
subjects
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 have apparent advantages to the holistic development of citizens. Take mathematics
for instance
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, which still is used by everyone, irrespective of age, to do their daily chores and function effectively.
Similarly
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, academic subject
such
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 as history allows
students
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 to connect with their rich historical figures and events, which is
otherwise
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 not given priority nowadays.
Therefore
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, there is no argument for the fact that conventional teaching topics should be an imperative part of any curriculum for the sake of
students
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.
On the other hand
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, proponents who believe in employing vocational
subjects
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 claim that it is time to reform the education system and that
students
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 should be taught
subjects
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 which increase
students
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 employment possibilities.
Nonetheless
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, to make a counterclaim, the basics of vocational courses
such
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 as plumbers, and electricians lie within the basic
subjects
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such
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 as physics, chemistry, drawing etc.
Hence
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, it is not a far-fetched conclusion to say that the collective structure of both
subjects
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 can be apparently beneficial.
To conclude
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, I pen down saying that, both sides present strong arguments on
this
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 controversial topic.
However
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, in today's cut-throat competition environment,
students
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 can
be benefitted
Wrong verb form
benefit
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 from
Add an article
a
the
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combination of practical
as well as
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 traditionally taught
subjects
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.

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task response
Ensure that all parts of the question are addressed thoroughly
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to express ideas more effectively
grammatical range
Work on varying sentence structures and using more complex grammar
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