IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Now a lot of people in college are doing academic study. should encourage them lo learn vocational skill (like plumbers electricians). Do you agree or disagree?

#people #college #study #skill #plumbers #electricians
The discussion of choosing appropriate teaching
subjects
 is surely one that begs the question of whether
students
 should go for traditional
subjects
 or more practical ones. I, in my opinion, strongly believe that a balanced structure of both can be the most
apropos
Correct word choice
appropriate
show examples
 choice in today's contemporary world.
To begin
 with, there are many reasons why traditional academic
subjects
 have apparent advantages to the holistic development of citizens. Take mathematics
for instance
, which still is used by everyone, irrespective of age, to do their daily chores and function effectively.
Similarly
, academic subject
such
 as history allows
students
 to connect with their rich historical figures and events, which is
otherwise
 not given priority nowadays.
Therefore
, there is no argument for the fact that conventional teaching topics should be an imperative part of any curriculum for the sake of
students
.
On the other hand
, proponents who believe in employing vocational
subjects
 claim that it is time to reform the education system and that
students
 should be taught
subjects
 which increase
students
 employment possibilities.
Nonetheless
, to make a counterclaim, the basics of vocational courses
such
 as plumbers, and electricians lie within the basic
subjects
such
 as physics, chemistry, drawing etc.
Hence
, it is not a far-fetched conclusion to say that the collective structure of both
subjects
 can be apparently beneficial.
To conclude
, I pen down saying that, both sides present strong arguments on
this
 controversial topic.
However
, in today's cut-throat competition environment,
students
 can
be benefitted
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
 from
Add an article
a
the
show examples
combination of practical
as well as
 traditionally taught
subjects
.
Submitted by ashishsavani118 on

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task response
Ensure that all parts of the question are addressed thoroughly
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to express ideas more effectively
grammatical range
Work on varying sentence structures and using more complex grammar

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