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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #world
Some
people
 believe that we are more reliant on others currently,
while
 others argue
people
 live independently nowadays. In my view, modern life forces us to be more independent the
people
 were in the past. There are two main reasons why some
people
 consider today’s society a more dependent one. The first one is that life seems to be more complex and difficult, with inflation getting quicker, our living costs are
also
 getting higher.
For example
, house price has increased dramatically in recent years, so without the help of their parents, it seems impossible for young
people
 to buy a house of their own.
Moreover
,
people
 are more ambitious today, and many parents spend most of their time making money in order to offer better life quality for their
families
, so they sometimes end up letting grandparents or babysitters look after their children .
However
, I would agree with those who believe
people
 are more independent these days. In most countries,
families
 are becoming smaller and more dispersed, which means that
people
 can not count on their
families
 as much as they used to. We
also
 have more freedom and opportunities to travel around the world,
for instance
, many students choose to study or work abroad these days, so without the company of their
families
 or friends, they need to rely on themselves. Another reason contributing to
this
 independence is advanced technology,
people
 can work remotely or work alone from any part of the world. In conclusion, even though some
people
 consider us dependent on each other nowadays, I would argue that
due to
 the
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 mentioned above,
people
 are more independent than ever.
Submitted by chiachen1999 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in presenting and developing ideas throughout the essay. Use transitions to create coherence and cohesion between paragraphs.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task and support your ideas with relevant examples and explanations.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and effectively. Avoid repetition.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and use a variety of complex structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical forms.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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