Despite huge improvements in healthcare, the overall standard of physical health in many developed countries is now falling. What are the reasons for this and how can the problem be tackled?

#improvements #healthcare #health #countries

In recent years, development in the healthcare sector has been a priority in many countries. Despite the fact,

hospitals

Correct word choice

that hospitals

show examples

are packed with patients having different

health

troubles. Least physical activities and

bad

Correct article usage

a bad

show examples

diet are a few main reasons for

this

trouble,

however

this

can be controlled by promoting a healthy lifestyle among the masses.

Firstly

, the growth in technology has brought ease in life causing zero to no activity left for humans to do by themselves. Being surrounded by gadgets all the time has made people dependent on them. Like, outdoor games are getting unpopular among young kids as they prefer video games and PlayStations,

as a result

, children fail to develop their muscle strength and fall prey to diseases.

Secondly

, the fast

food

chains that are very famous all around the globe are one of the main reasons for people getting obese. A recent survey, that was conducted in the USA, showed that about 75% of the population is suffering from obesity.

Hence

this

tech world and inorganic

food

Change the verb form

are

show examples

deteriorating

overall

Correct article usage

the overall

show examples

health

of the human race. In spite of all

this

, there is still a way out, only if some rigorous steps are taken place and

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

implemented. First of all, higher authorities need to rebuild the parks and playgrounds, in order to attract peers. Educate parents and engage children in physical activities in schools or at home. All the junk

food

needs to be reduced, it needs not to be easily accessible and other alternative organic

food

choices must be promoted, to influence and spread the word.

For instance

, countries should learn from South Korea, where no international fast-

food

chain restaurants are allowed to open more than 1 franchise in a city.

This

ultimately does help in protecting the upcoming generation from disturbing their internal

health

To conclude

although

with great improvement in

health

departments, many developed countries are still facing

health

issues enormously. People today invest money in devices and make bad picks in

food

which impacts their

health

badly.

This

can be avoided with collective help from the Government and education on the side effects of these choices.

Submitted by abid.srm on Thu Aug 10 2023

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task response

Ensure that all main points are fully developed and supported with relevant details and examples.

coherence cohesion

Work on connecting your ideas more effectively to improve coherence, use transition words and phrases to link different parts of the essay.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

353 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

standard of physical health
developed countries
falling
lifestyle changes
unhealthy habits
sedentary lifestyle
lack of physical activity
fast food
unhealthy diets
stress
mental health issues
environmental factors
lack of education
awareness
government policies
regulations
promotion of healthy habits
awareness campaigns
stricter regulations
healthcare infrastructure
physical activity
exercise programs
balanced diet

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Today, the internet and TV have created that chance for ordinary people to become famous. Is it a positive or negative development?

In many countries, a few people earn very high salaries. Some people think that this is a positive thing for the country. Other people believe that governments should not allow salaries to be over a certain level. Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion.