IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Some commentators feel that grandparents should live together with their children and grand children, while others say that elderly people should be encouraged to live independently. Consider the possible arguments on both sides of this debate, and reach your own conclusion.

#commentators #grandparents #children #people #arguments #debate #conclusion
It is argued by critics that elder
people
 would better live in conjunction with their posterity,
whereas
 others state that they should live alone.
This
 essay will
further
 discuss both perspectives and show that being accompanied by children and grandchildren can ensure a quality life for the elder. On the one hand, it is understandable why some believe that an independent life will be beneficial for grandparents. Some old
people
 might find it uncomfortable to bother their children.
For example
, my grandfather, who is now 84 years old, claims that he could manage his own life unassisted and always opts to live alone to avoid being my mom and dad’s concern. One of the imperative rights of elder
people
, similar to other age groups, is that they have sovereign privacy to freely enjoy different ways of living.
On the other hand
, I am convinced that staying
together with
 family members is a better option for grandparents. My reason for
this
 is that, with a high possibility of confronting health problems and deterioration of body function
as a result
 of ageing, elder
people
 should be the prioritized group. A social report in the USA substantiated that 72% of elder
people
 who are regularly supported by families have a better record in their health profiles, particularly facing fewer diseases
such
 as diabetes, stroke, and depression.
Besides
, living together can erect a stable rapport and comprehension of the mentality of the others between the young and old generations. In Conclusion,
although
 grandparents have full rights to enjoy their liberated lives, I would not recommend them to do so and
instead
 follow the perspective that appraises the company of the younger generation, which is associated with enormous advantages in well-being and health welfare.
Submitted by boocheapofficial on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: