IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

the provided bar chart illustrates how many people drank coffee and bought tea as well as their drinking habits in five Australian towns.

the provided bar chart illustrates how many people drank coffee and bought tea as well as their drinking habits in five Australian towns.
#bar #people #coffee #tea #habits #five #australian #towns
the provided bar chart illustrates how many
people
 drank
coffee
 and bought tea
as well as
 their drinking habits in five Australian towns.
Overall
, what stands out from the graph
that is
 individuals who enjoy drinking hot drinks in cafes headed the list.
while
 those who like having their
coffee
 fresh, the bottom of the list.
in addition
, individuals who bought instant
coffee
 were approximately similar. looking into the shown details, In the
last
 four weeks, the
people
 who went to
coffee
 spots to drink it began at 60% in Sydney. after that, They increased slightly around 4% in Melbourne to reach their peak.
then
, they decreased gradually to around one of ten in Brisbane. after that, the figure experienced a sharp increase in Hobart around 59%.
In addition
,
people
 who bought fresh hot drinks saw a steady decline In Sydney andMeltorn by 44% and 42% respectively.
while
 they reached their lowest point in Bagjdhu and accounted for 33%
as well as
 the proportion of
people
 in huffy and jkfoie was similar.
Furthermore
, those who bought instant hot drinks began with 2% person more than those who bought fresh
coffee
.
besides
, the figure witnessed a gradual increase of
people
 who bought fresh
coffee
 in the 5 cities to reach eventually in Horbat 66%.
Submitted by aliaelarabi5 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "as well as, in addition, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, coffee with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "provided" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: