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Band 4

Some people think certain prisoners should be made to set up unpaid community work, instead of just being put behid the bars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #prisoners #community #work #behid #bars
The presence of criminals is a considerable concern in the present world. The majority of individuals argue that specific mobs have to contribute their human labour to our society without rewards
as well as
 staying in prison. I partly support
this
 assertion and discuss the grounds on the issue below. Without a doubt, syndicates are suitable to apply their ability
for maintaining
Change preposition
to maintain
show examples
 our nation. Foremost, lots of harsh
work
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 necessary to sustain our city
not to mention
 they require an enormous amount of effort. To be more detailed, for the reasons that the frequent hard
work
 makes workers avoiding social
work
.
As a result
, it is possible to replace ordinary employees with prisoners.
In addition
, it allows gangland to realize their faults and
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 opportunities to become better people.
Furthermore
, since they spend a huge amount of resources to give their meals, these challenges are affordable for them to pay for their food
instead
 of money. On the flip side, there are several reasons why they still stay in jail. Clearly, they tend to try other crimes when they are out of the lock.
Therefore
, if they have a chance to go outside, they will surely run out of control
as well as
make
Verb problem
pose
show examples
 another danger to threatening citizens.
Besides
, even if they occupy a small piece of tools to deal with their tasks, criminals are able to create weapons which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 harmful to others.
In addition
, since there
will be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 a possibility of occasion that directors
of
Change preposition
apply
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
punish
criminal's
Change noun form
criminals'
show examples
work
 efficiency or productivity, they plan to revenge because they feel uneasy. In a nutshell,
although
 there are significant benefits when countries utilize criminal labour, I still contend that these possess negative effects on our society.
Submitted by kigj95 on

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task response
Improve task response by addressing both sides of the argument and providing a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence and cohesion by organizing ideas in a more logical manner and improving the transition between paragraphs.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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